As this review is written I am still wondering how a film with elements like Lesbian and Vampires in its title can be so unentertaining? So boring and so lacking in humor?

In spite of touting two hottest stars of Britain James Corden and Mathew Horne stars of BBC comedy Gavin and Stacey this movie falls flat on its face. The guys play the ephemeral losers one who has been kicked out of his job of a clown and the other kicked by his girlfriend on his ass. Fed up with their life and woes they decide on a holiday trip. Running out of money on their way they are reduced to hiking and ends up near the village of Cragwich (Dunwich someone?) typically the village is suffering from a curse that turns all the girls over 18 years into bloodsucking Nosferatu.

Trying too hard to parody the classic Hammer movies of 60’s and 70’s LVK falls short in every imaginable way humor is turned into horseplay in the most retarded and degenerate manner. For example one of the most paltry gags in the story revolves around a sword that has the magic to kill the queen of the vampires. The weapon is called the Sword of Dialdo just because it sound like ‘Dildo’ Ha freaking ha. To top over that the sword has got a handle that looks like a wooden replica of a human male genital, are we laughing? Hell no! and after James Corden just could not get over the fact that it looks like a ‘Cock’ and is obsessed with it, it is beyond tolerance of the audience.

Cheap humor is good but when it dregs down to such utterly crass level it becomes totally deplorable. Just the fact that these type of comedies appeal to the beer swigging ‘Maxim’ reading male populace with nothing to offer but dicks and boobs is simply a let down. Incidentally it is the same people who gets off on more subtle and tasteful comedies like The Office, The IT Crowd, Peep Show and of course Horne and Corden’s very own Gavin and Stacey.

The ample show of T & A from the gaggle of girls is nowhere as exciting as it sounds as they are engaged in homo erotic activities because it is evident they never went to an acting school and hence the performances are totally lackluster.

The production is terribly off the scene due to the fake and stupid sets and the camera techniques with a lot of visual jugglery add nothing to the action sequences. On the whole the entire direction and the vacant script full of foul expletives does nothing as much as it tries to wrench a guffaw from the audience. LVK is two thumbs down, please do not waste your money and time on such trash.